Cries of Help

Okay, so the title of this blog may be dramatic, but understand that I'm young, and it's the end of the world as I know it.

 

My father is unde pressure, I have to say. Unfortunately, I have to deal with little games and ways of acting (which is sometimes beneficial). I even use it around my friends when I'm trying to keep the mood light. I try to show them, like a call for help, but cover it up, when I realize there's nothing to come of it. My father does the same thing, covering up his self-dislike with jokes and poking-fun-at's. If that makes sense.

 

The problem lies in the fact that I stayed at my sister and brother-in-law's house. I helped baby-sit, and folded laundry on my own accord. I didn't mind. I loved chatting with Jenna, and although I am a chatter box, and try not to be annoying, I feel I have to keep quiet. Now that I'm at home, the freedom feeling is stuck, and I honestly feel like crying when I'm trying to stick up for myself. My father says he spoils us, and yes, considering the way we were raised, that's true. It's not as bad as others, but worse through his eyes, I guess. I really feel bad for him, and sometimes I just hate him. However, I loved the moments when we can talk and laugh and I can make jokes with him. Of course, as we were going to my sister's house a week before, I almost felt like pushing it away before I got hurt.

 

It may seem silly and childish, yet I know that it's true. What am I to do? I really feel like it's hard to find someone to talk to, especially since I don't live near any friends. I feel pressured and the weight of my father's depression labour is crashing on me. Even if I'm a nuisence to him. I just want away, but there's nowhere to go. I want me time, and I want to know what I want. Right now, I really feel like a brat as I've been called before. I really don't like it when he callsme that, even jokingly, but I try and keep it to myself.

 

I already miss my sister, but I can't bother her for too long. We might be going to the lake up north soon, so we'll see, but there's a huge problem with him and my uncle. I really want to hate his family for putting so many things on him, but how can I? I have to live for myself, but I can't do that. I've lost my train of thought, and I'm losing myself.

 

I wish I could write books by the dozen and publish them. My stories will create whole other lives to other people, and I can be statisfied and organize my things without my father chastisizing my childish ignorance. I may be young, but I am smart.Only right now, I'm just lost.

 

That's All For Now!!

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Patricia Toole